Virtue Takes Practice: The Iterative Path to Becoming 1% Better
Two days ago, I listened to a few old audio logs I had recorded—snippets of thoughts and revelations from different moments in my life. One insight stood out: relationships, human understanding, and the incremental process of growth. It felt like a lightbulb moment, though the truth is, it’s something I’ve observed over and over in my life and others’. Character isn’t built in a single act. It’s forged through practice, trial, and – most importantly – time.
Take patience, for example. To call yourself a patient person, you need more than good intentions. Life will test your patience, presenting triggers and challenges designed to pull that impatience right out of you. Only after consistently responding with patience can you honestly say, “I am patient.”
And this isn’t just true for patience—it’s true for every virtue: love, faithfulness, self-control, humility, even the ability to stay calm with rowdy daughters. 😉 These are muscles we build through repeated effort.
Character isn’t built in a single act. It’s forged through practice, trial, and—most importantly—time
I think back to a conversation I had with someone about fidelity. He told me, “The only reason I don’t sleep with other women is because I know it would hurt you. But I could, and it wouldn’t change how I feel about you.” At the time, I didn’t know how to respond. Now, I realize he was illustrating this same truth: love and virtue aren’t the same thing. You can love someone deeply and still lack the developed character to consistently live up to the promises that love demands.
This iterative process applies not just to individuals but to relationships. Sometimes, we leave people while they’re still in the middle of their practice rounds. They’re trying, failing, trying again—but they’re not there yet. It’s easy to walk away from someone who hasn’t “arrived,” especially when their unfinished business causes pain. And then, we watch as they finally master the very thing we needed from them… with someone else.
It stings, doesn’t it? Seeing the person who couldn’t show up for you become a better version of themselves for the next person. But it’s not that they loved you any less. They just needed more time, more iterations, more practice.
The 1% Rule
This idea aligns with the popular concept of getting 1% better every day. Big ups to James Clear. Growth isn’t linear or instant—it’s incremental. Sometimes, it’s not even 1% better every day; maybe it’s 1% better every time. Every time you resist a bad habit. Every time you choose patience over irritation, or fidelity over temptation. Every time you pick the higher road, even when it feels impossible.
But here’s the kicker: this kind of growth requires grace—grace for yourself and grace for others.
If you’re working to develop a virtue, like patience or humility, you have to recognize that you’ll fail. Probably more than once. The same is true if you’re walking alongside someone else in their growth. You might demand change, but the reality is that change takes time, and you’ll need grace to endure their stumbling as they figure it out.
A Different Trajectory is Also Growth
Sometimes, the iterative process sends you in unexpected directions. Since moving back to Detroit, I’ve had the privilege of reconnecting with old friends and creative partners—a privilege I deeply cherish. Some collaborations have been seamless, driven by a shared willingness to work together and help each other’s dreams take flight. But equally thrilling has been partnering with new collaborators—people I’ve admired from afar for years. Watching their creative process up close, and being part of it, feels like realizing a long-held dream.
But not everyone I envisioned working with has rejoined the journey. Their absence is felt, both personally and creatively. One dear friend, a lifelong creative partner, has a vision so extraordinary it could outshine anything I’ve dreamed of. For years, I imagined a future where our names would always be mentioned together. But as we reconnected, I realized that while we both have big dreams, our trajectories are different—and that’s okay.
Growth isn’t always about speed or synchronization. Sometimes, 1% better means finding a different trajectory toward a parallel destination. Whether we’re side by side creating something or I’m cheering him on from the Peanut Gallery, my love and respect remain unchanged.
Giving Grace
Grace is essential. Whether you’re developing your own character or supporting someone else, you have to honor the process. Virtues—patience, love, humility—don’t appear fully formed. They grow through challenges, triggers, and countless iterations over weeks, months, even decades.
So give yourself grace. Give others grace. Progress isn’t always visible, and growth is rarely easy. But remember, the fruits of the spirit start as seeds—seeds that take time, care, and practice to blossom.
Because virtue isn’t something we are. It’s something we become.
